Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
