guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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