also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
