you traded sex for a burrito?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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