hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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