great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
