He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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