its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
