Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
