i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
