he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
