Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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