My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
