but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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