Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
