One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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