: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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