it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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