So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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