when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
