when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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