I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
