Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
