If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
