You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
