The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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