did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
