Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
