The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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