i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
