shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
