Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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