well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I could fuck to npr.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
