Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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