he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
