I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
