We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize