would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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