I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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