the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She even gives head with a lisp.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
