I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's never too late to be topless.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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