I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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