Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
