If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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