Ambien. No doubt about it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize