i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
