This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's get the cat blown out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
