Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
