My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
