No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
