i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
