either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
