there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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