he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
