I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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