My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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