Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
