God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
