Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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