She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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