So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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