I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
