I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
