When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
