Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
