If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
