I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
