The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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