Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
