We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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