i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
