rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
